Festivus: Bills Edition

Commit 93 yards in penalties: Check.
-4 on the turnover margin: Check.
Your best wide receiver dropping  multiple passes: Check
Your quarterback throwing an interception at the 1-yard-line to end the game (again): ......

This is definitely making next Sunday's finale against the equally lowly New York Jets to be the first annual incompetence convention in Orchard Park.

The Buffalo Bills fell completely flat on their collective faces after a 24-10 drubbing by the Miami Dolphins at Sun Life Stadium this afternoon. The Bills are now at 5-10 and are locked in the sixth overall spot in the 2013 NFL draft.

What went wrong? I think the better question would be what went right?

Because the latter is far shorter of an answer than the previous. You could write a tell-all memoir of the previous. In fact, it could rival all seven books of Harry Potter in terms of material for the Bills' lack of competence.

Plain and simple, this team took the word "tanking" to an entirely new level. Just watching this proverbial train-wreck made me realize that they did not want to play for Chan Gailey anymore.

Buffalo News sports writer Mike Harrington tweeted during the 4th quarter when the score was 24-3,

"It will be so much fun to hear more from the players this week about how they love Chan. Proved it so much today. #Bills"

Now if that is not vehement sarcasm, I don't know what is. 

If you care for examples in how to justify those words, allow me to spew out some numbers that will make any Bills fan cringe. 

Penalties: 
Buffalo: 11/93
Miami:    3/25

Rushing Yards Allowed:
Buffalo: 182 (tenth time this year they allowed 100YDS or more this season) 

Turnovers:
Buffalo: 4
Miami: 0

Now what makes that stat absolutely sickening is that the Dolphins had only one turnover on defense in their last seven games before today. 

Joel Auerbach/Getty Images

If those numbers didn't satisfy your grinch-like stand against the Bills, let's look long-term regarding Ryan Fitzpatrick and Gailey together. 

W-L record with Fitzpatrick as starter: 15-30 

Fitzpatrick has the third most turnovers among all starting quarterbacks in the NFL since 2010.

Gailey is 15-32 as head coach (worst win percentage for a Bills head coach since Hank Bullough in 1985-1986 (4-17 .190%).

2-13 in their last 15 road games.

The proof is in the pudding. 

Even Dick Jauron's tenure was more successful than this, and I thought I would never say that in my lifetime following that debacle from 2006-2009. 

Now I understand the defense certainly hasn't pulled their weight either. They are equally as bad as their QB/HC tandem.

They are the first team since the 1986 Jets to give up 45 points or more four times in a season. 

They have allowed a staggering 144.1 rushing yards-per-game this year. 

They are yet to score a defensive touchdown.

They are the first team since 1950 to allow 45 points in a second half (vs New England week 4).

Under Gailey, they are statistically the worst defense in Bills history (and there were some lousy Bills teams in the past 53 years). 

I said back in 2007 after the Monday Night loss against the Cowboys, the Bills could publish a book called "1001 Ways to Lose a Football Game". They are certainly filling that book nicely the last three years.

I have aired my grievances, the pole has been used to beat this miserable season to death, and I will show a feat of strength by watching next week's finale.

Happy Festivus Buffalo. Expect two less beards in the locker room after next Sunday.